SEX WITH THE LIGHTS ON
The following questions were posed to Ducky by her publisher.

1. Please give us a brief description of Sex with the Lights On.
It may surprise you that, when given the opportunity to ask sex questions, the number one thing women ask about is her own orgasm. Due to a lack of comprehensive sex education in our society, a huge percentage of intelligent women don't know where her own G spot is located, she may not understand why her bodies respond to particular touches or positions, or sometimes even how to tell if she has ever had an orgasm.

How do I know this? I have presented sex workshops to thousands of individuals including college students, church groups, gynecologists, super stars and social workers. With every workshop I pass out blank index cards and tell my audience, "Please write down ANY sex question on your mind. Be shameless because this is totally anonymous."

I have answered every question and saved every index card. Thousands of them! At the time I did not know why but like a good scientist I meticulously filed them away. (Channeling Dr. Kinsey perhaps?) These honest questions, asked by real people, are the basis for Sex With The Lights On. A warm, funny and honest book that goes question by question, delivering a really fun guide to pleasure anatomy, orgasms, sex drive, and loads of tips and techniques that focus on subjects like foreplay, oral sex, intercourse, anal sex and sex toys. I also included the personal anecdotes that always have my audience amazed by how I came to know these answers, how I learned to explore my sexuality, and ultimately - how I learned to have Sex With The Lights On.

Sex with the Lights on contains a balance of anatomy, self esteem, health, how-to and sexual technique. Every question is an actual question I received from workshops participants over the years. I also went out of my way make sure the language in the book was accessible to everyone. It is important to me that it "giver/receiver" rather than the typical "he/she" of most mainstream sexuality books. I needed individuals of every gender and orientation to be able to see themselves in the material.

2. Tell us about your experience in writing this book. For instance, how long did it take? Where did the original idea come from? What research did you do? Was there anyone who was particularly helpful in researching/writing the book?
I wanted to make sure that if I wrote a sex advice book it would have the same kind of impact on others that some of my favorite books have had on me. I had numerous offers from publishers, but I put writing a book off for years so I could keep teaching and learning. Then one day, as I was filing away my workshop index cards, I suddenly realized the book was right there - in the plethora of questions that I had saved over the years. I would write a book based on the questions of my workshop participants.

The book would be all about their wants and desires, just like my workshops. I never want to stand up in front of a crowd and blabber on about sexuality. I never want to tell people how to have sex, I want to give them the honest truth and inspire them to explore sex. I like to give them skills that can use that very night and skills they will carry with them the rest of their lives. I want to teach them what they want to know. So ultimately this book has a little piece of every person I have ever encountered in teaching. We wrote it together.

Because I had filed the question index cards by topic I could easily see what people were asking the most and focus on those topics. The book is full of questions from individuals of every gender and sexual orientation. It includes a broad base of race, religion, class and body types as well. It was a beautiful revelation to realize I would be writing a book with the input of all these amazing individuals I have met over the years.

Through out the book there are my answers and personal stories, but there are other sex positive voices as well. As well as quotes, factoids, how-to sidebars and other tid bits. I wanted to capture the feeling and content that a sexuality workshops has, with people chiming in, recounting their personal experiences and knowledge. I used my blog as a forum to pull in other people voices as well. I went on there and asked questions like, "When and how did your hymen break?" or "What films have inspired you sexually?" Hundreds of people began to respond in my blog and so many have been included in the book.

3. Please tell us who you think the readers for your book are. Who do you most want to reach?
I believe my readers will mostly be women from the age of 18 to 45. This book will reach women from the Midwest to Midtown Manhattan, New Orleans to Nebraska. While this book is written by a woman, I have also gone to great lengths to make the book as encompassing as possible. I have a wealth of warm compassion for men and the obstacles they face when it comes to sexuality. My goal was to create a book that would be welcoming to any individuals who opens the pages. Everyone deserves pleasure.